Thursday, October 02, 2008


Yes, finally.

Definitive proof that Jesus existed!

As you can clearly see on this bowl unearthed recently, dating to between the late 2nd Century B.C. and the early 1st Century A.D., Jesus obviously was real.

An article on MSNBC reports, the inscription on the cup translates to either "by Christ the magician" or "the magician by Christ."

Suck it, Evolution!

Researches know exactly how it went down. Well, probably...

Goddio said, "It is very probable that in Alexandria they were aware of the existence of Jesus" and of his associated legendary miracles, such as transforming water into wine, multiplying loaves of bread, conducting miraculous health cures, and the story of the resurrection itself.

Some guy shows up at a time when people believe Medusa exists and starts telling stories and pulling off shitty magic tricks.



I particularly enjoy how someone today can clearly postulate the existence of Jesus because someone unearthed a cup that supposedly says, "by Christ the magician."

What was Jesus doing making cups, anyways? I thought he was a florist.

If you're going to infer something from this article and the supposed uses of cups like this, the only logical conclusion is that some dude named Christ was more like today's David Blaine than anything else.

How do we know that some dude wasn't wandering the countryside fleecing people out of their valuables with shitty water-to-wine or magically appearing loaf of bread tricks? Telling crazy stories about how he was dead and resurrected and gets his lustrously shiny hair by using the special tonic that he created, which coincidentally is also available for sale. Pulling pieces of gold from behind the ears of amazed simpletons who were scared of the noises and flashes of light from the sky during the times Zeus was particularly angry. Maybe stealing the noses of unsuspecting children in the village before putting it back on their faces. Definitely, then, pulling his thumb in half before sliding it right back together to further cement his abilities as some sort of god.

I don't know, but hypothesizing that this discovery "probably" means the first ever reference to Christ is no more plausible than some dude in Alexandria lighting his farts on fire to amaze peasants like some 2nd century Steve-O.


KajaPoker said...

of course he existed. he still exists today. a few weeks ago he lay tile in my basement bathroom. did a great job too. and guess what his card said? jesus the tile magician. now the real question is whether or not he will win "The Prize" at "The Gathering" or will Connor Macleod of the clan Macleod chop his head off?

PS: Your RSS no worky in bloglines anymore.

Sigge said...

Christ is a title not a name. "Mystery" solved.
As for 'Jesus' try Spain.