Saturday, October 04, 2008



One could say with a fairly solid level of accuracy that my only experience fighting crime has come from playing the board game Clue.

That being said, I like to consider myself street smart and plentiful with common sense. This makes it easy for me to speculate on situations such as what the city of Detroit is doing according to this article.

You see, with a city whose population has declined from a high of two million a number of years ago to about 800,000 nowadays there will be problems. The capable move out and the poor stay. When only 25% of the city's high school students will graduate, and you think about all the kids not even being counted because they never bother to go to school, you can tell there will be definitely be issues.

In other words, the city of Detroit is ripe for the taking by thieves and criminals.

Not unlike other parts of the country, Detroit has been hit hard by metal thieves searching for copper and other metals easily stolen and resold for a tidy profit.

It's gotten so bad that people are stealing the tubing from church organs, air conditioner parts from anyone, and even a Jesus statue from one church.

A freaking Jesus statue! Might as well steal a cop car. Dumbasses.

Anyways, the city of Detroit has had enough. It's concerned citizens have organized an effort to combat this criminal activity and save the towns Jesus statues, among other important metal items.

They've come up with the smartest idea since someone slapped wheels on the bottom of a boot like an ice skate and called it a rollerblade.

(If only I'd called Inventech!)

They're holding a parade to draw attention to this crime.


That's right.

They're asking everyone from community leaders, concerned citizens, business owners, church goers, etc., to all gather in one place for a parade to raise awareness.


I know exactly what's going to happen. I don't even need to roll again.

It's going to be the metal thief in the empty church/home the day of the parade with bolt cutters.

I win.


Jdawg said...

Don't be so humble. In addition to your Clue experience, we are all aware of your solo arrest of the infamous "Library Masturbator" back in college.


The Bracelet said...

"Damn you, masturbator!!!"

Kid Dynamite said...

u know what the problem with Detroit is? it's all the rich white people preying on the poor black people by giving them loans they can't pay back.... those sneaky lenders! THEY are the problem!

The Bracelet said...



You got it right. Up there in Detroit they need a couple of mavericks to turn things around.

Unknown said...

Who's pushing the Matt Millen for Mayor campaign?