Amazon

I have just enough Italian (and maybe some other random bloodlines as I am quite mutt-like in my heritage) that I tan quite well. It's with that in mind on the first day of real sun each year that I tend to go golfing and immediately start the process I like to call:

Operation Farmer's Tan.

It starts the very first time out because I'm too lazy to go all the way to the bag and grab the sunblock. You'd think it wouldn't be a problem since I'm back there grabbing more whiskey to mix into my drink every hole. But alas, I always forget the sunblock.

I started out hot. In fact, I should have shut it down after my first swing. For the year. I took a couple lame practice swings to see how my body was going to like swinging a club for the first time in almost 6 months. Not bad. Felt good, actually. Must have been the almost record highs we had. It's easy to get limber when it's so hot out. Or when you're drunk. In this case it was the weather. On the front nine, that is.

So I teed up and used my patented early season mantra, swing it like a girl.

It worked. Well.

I striped it beautifully down the middle and deep. I hit a somewhat thin 9-iron approach and had to putt from the fringe. Rolled it up to a gimme par. This game is easy.

Beautiful 7-iron on the next hole, par 3, and I easily two putted for another par. I was pretty sure I was going to par every hole the rest of the year at that point.

Thus I rolled into my drive and topped it a hundy up the middle on the next. Triple on the third and just like that I'm at bogey golf. So much for perfection. I ended up playing half scratch golf and half triple bogey golf on the day for sad 91. It's fairly rare that I score in the 90's, reserving those scores for the rounds when I completely lose everything and nothing goes right. But whatever, it was my first round and chances are pretty solid I'll have 5 or 6 similar rounds this year. Who cares when they come, right?

Best shot of the day? Well, besides the drive?

Probably either the shot of Canadian Club Classic (12yr old) on the first hole or maybe the putt I announced I would nail from ten feet to halve a hole, then of course promptly nailed.

Best facebook response of the day?

Probably (Ok, almost certainly since it's the only response I made to anyone) the one I made on a post from BG.

He put up a picture of the Amazon.com fast pay suggestion for him. In other words, he can use the phrase to pay without filling out forms and such. His phrase?

Anthony's costly taste.

He adds, "Oh, Amazon, you know me too well..."

I add, "Phrases Amazon might suggest for me:

Wow, you've finally taken a break from porn, eh?

Who are you kidding, you ain't pulling the trigger on this.

Select "See Others" for cheaper options.

And you think you have money on that card?

Damn, you're sexy."

That's all I have. Better than a kick in the nuts, right?

Also, maybe you should kick someone in the nuts today and then ask them to read this. Find out which one was better. Hell, maybe it's the kick in the nuts?

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