Wow, Has It Been That Long?

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Yes. It's always been that long.

It's not big deal, most women can get it all in there.

I welcome you back to reading about me. One of my favorite things for you to do with yourself. Other things I love for you to do involve talking about me, writing about me, and thinking about me. I must feed my ego. If my head doesn't maintain its girth I look terribly disproportionate, what with the huge junk and all.

I've just recently returned home form a trip the kids have deemed Mastodon Weekend. I had a great time. Did you go? Did you have a great time? Awesome. Let's tell stories and get all teary eyed!

The fact is, I haven't been able to attend many of the recent Vegas gatherings. I've managed to squeak out a couple small things over the past couple years but my funds have seen better days and I've had to sacrifice trips with friends to be able to afford the day to day things I need to live. Things like the custom made condoms, counter-weighted tighty whiteys to ease the back pain, and pork products.

I was able to make this particular trip out of the kindness of others and the promise I perform like a monkey for them whenever they yell, "DANCE, MONKEY!!" Or maybe it was just that I pay them back at bonus time.

Either way, I couldn't have made this happen without others. The last year has been humbling and hectic and stressful and many much more big words and stuff. I'm almost out of those weeds but because I'm not there yet I had to abstain from drinking the expense stuff, prop-betting like a wild man, and playing the cash games.

Which leads me to the poker tournament, which I did play.

I have probably logged about 10 solid hours of poker play in the last 2 years. That might come as a surprise to those of you who know me as the 860th Greatest Poker Player in the World (As of 6/3/2005) and also to those of you who know me as the 27th Greatest Poker Blogging Poker Player in the World (As of the first Pokerstars Poker Blogging Championship) and also as those who know me as the first blogger qualifier out of the WPBT group for the 2005 series and also to those who know me as the Saturdays With Pauly champion of 2006 (?) where I won the coveted title and engraved iPod Nano in sudden death overtime and also maybe as just a caring, lovable old Korean lady.

Anyhow, it makes total sense that I would make the final table.



To you poker newbies out there wondering how you might also be able to achieve such greatness I will offer up a brief synopsis of my play so that you may study it in your mom's basement near your Jar Jar Binks poster.

I had Badblood and the Mark to my left so I played only in spots where I could take some sort of control. Any other hand early on, for the most part, I tried to stay out of. Eventually I busted a local. Then I specifically entered a hand to mix it up with a Pokerstars media dude when the Mark jumped in without asking. Pushy fellow, the Mark. So I pushed or called, I can't really remember, and then promptly fell behind and rivered a four to the board straight to knock him out.

I continued to pick spots and play only where I felt I could take some control and found myself usually below the average but chipping up whenever I needed to stop the bleeding.

Then I did shots.

There were many, much shots. And beer. And maybe some soco and redbull. More beer. Not much food as I don't eat sushi. More drinks. Shakiness. Then the final five.

It's that easy, people.

I was a slight second in chips to Badblood as we entered the final five paying spots. We had most the chips it seemed. I promptly started bleeding chips to Otis and was eventually out in 4th when I couldn't come from behind any longer.

I did get a fancy shirt from Bustout Poker for busting the Mark. I also got a dirty, game-worn hat from Lee Jones for busting him.

On the subject of the hat...

I bust him at the final table. He walks off. A few minutes later he leans over my shoulder and hands me his hat saying, "You win this for busting me." I say thanks as I note the sweat ring and recall seeing him wear it all night. As I look up I see he's wearing a brand spanking new Bustout Poker hat. I see what you did there, Lee. Well played, sir. I couldn't help but recall cousin Eddie asking Clark if he'd like a cold one.

While taking 4th was great for a guy who never really played or wrote about poker all that much, I was really hoping for top 2 money. That would have paid for the weekend. As it stood the money I did win kept my total spend to a couple hundred bucks, which resulted in a fun to fund ratio that was really, um...Damn. I having a tough time coming up with an analogy about something huge to compare that to right now. Odd.

I have more things to talk about. Hopefully I will write about them in the next few days. I do tend to get a little lazy, but I would like to talk about how I've still got it, degenerate prop-betting, southern hospitality, and many much more stuff about me and things.

I run good. Gooder than I write.

Until then, thanks again to Otis, Blood, G-Rob, and The Mark for hosting a fantastic weekend. Thanks as well, to Azia Restaurant for a ridiculous venue, and to Bustout Poker for the swag and sponsorship.