Wednesday, August 13, 2008


Couldn't help myself.

Nowhere else that comes to mind is it commonplace to force things upon people who generally don't even want to be there.

Johnny Sixpack doesn't want to sit through a birthday celebration for Nancy Lardass from Accounting, having to sing her a song and stand around talking about the goddamn weather with Carl TalksTooMuch eating German Fucking Chocolate cake off the tiniest plate you've ever seen with the world's crappiest plastic fork and nowhere to put a glass of anything to wash down the disgustingness as Harriet Horseface moves into position to tell you about her trip to fucking Yellowstone again but mostly to make you uncomfortable as your eyes are constantly drawn to the mustache on her upper lip that puts the Arab guy from IT's arm hair to shame but you can't escape because Kathy Cake-Raper is busy making rounds and ensuring everyone has enough cake and that the cake is gone and the cake is delicious and the piece is large enough and the masses know that Martha made it and she has copies of the fucking recipe and if she doesn't move the fuck along she might just wear the rest of that cake but you can't be the guy that leaves early and is labeled a party-pooper and subjected to intensified Cake-Rapings in the future as Olivia OfficeFunPatrol takes it upon herself to make it her mission that you have fun the next time and eat lots of fucking cake because who doesn't like cake and parties but you're the only one, I mean, doesn't anyone else want to punch anyone in the face here or is it just me, I mean CHRIST!


Memphis MOJO said...

You have to tell them you have high blood sugar and are dying from it - make up some name of a disease, the more dumb and weird the better.

They try to make you feel guilty (and you eat the cake). What you do is make THEM feel guilty.

Unknown said...

So lay it out there, do you like cake or not?

Unknown said...

A sumnation of how you spent your weekend clipping and filing your yellowed toe nails should shoo-away the office mates.

And net you some peaceful cake time.

Joe Speaker said...

Watch what you say about Harriet Horseface. She and I are going out for apples and sugar cubes later.

Splendid rant. Punctuation can suck it.

DrChako said...

Mmmm... cake.