Monday, July 07, 2008

Your Dad

Another day, another jackass on the road.

As I accelerated past a semi and moved into the lane I'd be exiting from, I noted the lack of heavy traffic I normally encounter at this moment. It's one major highway intersecting another major highway, and at close to rush hour the exiting lane backs up significantly.

Now a seasoned veteran of the roads, like myself, can utilize many techniques to leapfrog the more cautious drivers and spend less time waiting without pissing off other motorists by wedging myself in at the last second. My favorite being the Time The Semi technique. This involves Level 12 understanding of semi acceleration, which is poor on slight inclines from a virtual stop. Knowing this will allow you to catch a large gap as traffic slows and speeds up like a yo-yo.

Today I needed nothing in terms of technique. I simply sped ahead and moved over at my whimsy, which happened to be quite early with the lack of traffic. The lane is probably a half mile long before it exits and I had quite the gap to close at 80 before I'd encounter the small backup of cars exiting at around 45mph.

I noticed today's jackass driving in the lane next to the exit lane in a minivan. He was noticeable because sometimes you can just tell when someone has the driving skill equivalent of a drooling mental patient. You can sense it well before you see proof.

I watched as this car drove the entire half mile with open space available to his right in the exit lane. He had tinted windows but I could still see a minivan packed full of family.

Or Mexicans, maybe.

He had that entire stretch to get over if he so desired, but instead seemed content to just drive with his right two wheels straddling the line. I watched the entire stretch as I closed the gap on the exiting cars and it wasn't until I was 3 car lengths from the cars ahead of me, and pretty much at the exit ramp, that this jackass decided to begin exiting.

Of course, there was that little problem of me being in the way.

I didn't slow down for this retard, instead exiting like he wasn't there and watching to see what he was going to do. He accelerated hard and I noted that he not only didn't have the space to get in, but he was now going too fast for the slowing cars ahead of me. Instead of heading straight and looping back around, which would have been the safe move with kids in the car, he jerked his car hard into the tiny space I had left and braked almost hard enough to squawk his tires.

I knew he was going to do it because I see fucktards pulling this type of shit constantly on the road. I'm always prepared for someone to do it, but I never give them an easy time doing it. Fuck if I'm making it easy on someone who would rather not pay any attention to his surroundings and expect everyone to just part like the Red Sea when they get caught not looking.

As the only car this a-hole truly offended, I could see the kids in his backseat turn around and look at me to see what I was thinking. Or maybe they had been looking when I yelled "DO WHATEVER YOU WANT, ASSHOLE. NOBODY ELSE IS OUT HERE BUT YOU." and wanted to see what else I'd do.

When I realized I had their attention I mouthed,


1 comment:

StB said...

Fucking with dipshit drivers is fun.