Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Gentile Summit 08 Part Deux

Where to start...

OH! How about this!

Chad likes to fall.

In fact, this isn't the first time. I have a great video of Chad weaving around a UCLA parking garage just after falling down.


Yeah, that's right.

Cloak on that, bitches. (Inside Joke)

So what I'm thinking is that I'll just go with the time honored tradition of covering something that involved each person who was granted admission to the Gentile Summit 08 by way of Silver Leaf Plated Golden Ticket.

So who do we have (In no particular order)...

Drizz (Pro Cricket Player)
Chad (9 Knuckle Rama)
Stb (Puerto Rico Expert)
Betty (Lesbian Blueprint)
Maigrey (She of Timely Sarcasm)
April (My Favorite April)
Speaker (DP Snuggler)
Grubby (Eater For Two)
DP (Debbie Gibson Impressionist)
Joaquin (Missed Flight Impresario)
Bracelet (Don't Pepper Spray Me, Bro!)

Alright, so let's go alphabetical and start with April...

April was looking good. This was my first impression. I can't remember who I leaned over and said it to, but I asked if she'd been working out. Us striped shirt, product in our hair, guys find that impressive. At any rate, April decided I was her favorite Bobby. I can't remember exactly why that came about, but I'm going to guess it was my rapist's wit.

It hasn't failed me yet.

We were in the road, albeit barely in the road, when some dyke on a bike (Seriously, I'm a rhyme master) bitched her out for stepping in the "bike" lane. I couldn't help but stand up for my girl and said something along the lines of, "Calm the fuck down, already. Just go around her. It's not that big a deal."

She responded with some retort that failed to match my initial reaction. My only regret is that I didn't yell that we'd see her over at the lesbian bar later. Not so much that she was probably a lesbian, but that there would be a good chance we'd actually be hanging out at the lesbian bar later. Then I would fight her.

How about we move right along to Betty...

She frothed at the gash over the flap meat at Tango Sur.

Ok, that might not be true. But she did initiate all 'frothing at the gash' discussions, and for that she is good in my book.

Did I quote that correctly? I don't give a fuck. Moving along...


There was a guy riding a bicycle outside the bar we were at that appeared to have been hit by a car. We looked up and saw him on the ground, his bike a number of feet away from him, and a cab driving off. We put 9 and 62 together and decided he must have been hit.

We felt bad.

In fact, we found it hard to pull our attention off him. He had a couple guys hanging out with him, getting him water and probably trying to help wash the dirt out of his vagina.

He sat there for a long time, holding his head in his hands.

Eventually I was taking a leak in the bathroom, which is like a ninety minute process with all the unraveling of duct tape involved in keeping my ginormous junk at bay, and I heard a guy talking about the biker outside who had gotten pepper sprayed.

I was stunned.

Turns out he had been in some sort of argument with people in a car at the intersection when someone in the car pepper sprayed him. He then grabbed his bike blindly and tossed it at the car before it drove off.

So FORTY FIVE MINUTES LATER when he was STILL SITTING ON THE SIDEWALK WITH HIS HEAD IN HIS HANDS I decided I'd yell out the window of our cab that grabbed us.

We get in and I roll down the window as we drive away and yell, "IT WAS JUST A LITTLE PEPPER SPRAY, GET OVER IT!" and as soon as the words have escaped my mouth the luck of the Bracelet kicks in.

Our driver realizes he'd rather go the opposite direction and does a 4-point turn. He starts driving back towards the intersection with the biker and his friends.

The light is fucking red.

Now the friend is trying to wave us over so he can give us a piece of his mind and the light turns green.

I've never been so glad to be on the way to a lesbian bar in my life.

up next but I'm too lazy to keep going.

This is now officially a two parter.


April said...

Your reign as Favorite Bobby is holding strong. It's gonna take a lot to knock you out of the top spot; I'll tell you that.

StB said...

The cab/pepper spray incident still makes me laugh days later. Priceless Bracelet moment!

Irritable Male Syndrome said...

Did I really fall again? I have no bruises! Or was I being a tad over dramatic due to Drizz's supreme sandbagging? Ha.

The Bracelet said...

Something happened and you slumped over against the pool table laughing. You were on your knees but started to get up as I finally got the camera to work.

Can't remember what it was.