Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Deep Run Time


It's the time of year when the Michigan State Spartans (Where I got my degree in Poontang and Alcohol Management) makes a deeper run in the NCAA tournament than anyone besides the players and their families believed they would.

Thank you baby jesus for giving me the Detroit Red Wings and the MSU Spartans to make up for the Detroit Lions and their continued ineptitude.

So this year I ran two brackets in Pauly's annual bracket challenge. I titled one "Not Gonna Happen" because I went a little unorthodox with my picks. I titled the other one "Tahiti Village" which is because I'm a big fan of properties in the middle of Minnesota that Erik Estrada or Suzanne Sommers suggest I own. Speaker knows what I'm talking about. He just sat through a presentation out in Cali.

Can you guess which one bracket is doing better?

Yeah, the bracket where I had Kansas getting knocked off by MSU (Because I'm a huge homer) is one of the select few with a good shot at the money. I also picked Kansas St to win it all. Why? I dunno know.

Seems like lately I've been fairly good at predicting things. I figured I should probably take a stab at a few more here on this rarely read page to see if they come true and if maybe I'm operating on a Dione Warwick Psychic Friends type level.

The sex robot Tiger Woods will win by 4 strokes at the Masters. He'll answer every question about his situation with the response "I've already addressed that. Now if anyone has any questions about golf..."

Michigan State will win by 7 against Northern Iowa. Even without Kalin Lucas they're more talented and athletic. Izzo will have them ready. I will get drunk.

Five or more times this week I will tell myself I should eat healthy but will instead talk my way into pizza.

I will eat too much pizza and my stomach will hurt.

Republicans will endlessly bitch about the health care bill and make it sound as if our country is about to implode upon itself. Hey Republicans, guess what? If it does (It won't, calm down already) and we all die I do know one thing: You won't go to heaven because it doesn't exist.


That's double snap-nasty, by the way. It might not be perfect but it isn't going to send our country into some death spiral we can't recover from unless a Republican takes over...ANNNND...there isn't a heaven.

Man, that's gotta suck.

Coincidentally, what's more likely to run us into the ground than a single bill? This maddening system we have where the only acceptable answers are Republican or Democrat and there can't possibly be another way.

(Suck on that, everybody!)

Well, I'm off to worship the important gods. Those of Caffeine and Meat-laden Breakfast Sammies.


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