Thanks

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Jesus taught me to do many things. Among these nuggets of wisdom, be nice to people, give thanks whenever possible, don't stereotype others, and never get in between a black man and his watermelon.

This has been a banner year for me in that I feel I've executed God's will to the best of my abilities. And when you're on top of your Jesus game it makes you realize how much better you are than others.

But still, even one as close to on par with Jesus as I am, I have plenty to be thankful for. I shall now bless you with a short list.

1. Thank you, shitty drivers. (Women, black women, foreigners) If it weren't for your continued butchery of all things considered proper on the roadways I don't think I could maintain the impressive level of inner anger necessary to keep from falling asleep.

2. Thank you, everyone born after 1980. You're overall lack of awareness and your profound sense of entitlement is impressive. When coupled with your amazing level of laziness these qualities fuel my burning desire to live long enough and work hard enough so that someday I will have enough money to avoid jail time after punching every single one of you floppy haired douchebags square in your deer-in-headlights slack-jawed faces.

3. Thank you, Jews. You know what for.

So in conclusion I would like to add an additional set of thank you's to everyone I missed, though I think the above list captures almost everyone.

I could have done it without you, but it wouldn't have been nearly as much fun.

Now we move on towards Christmas and a brand new year. I hope your year has been as good as mine and a hearty IN YOUR FACE! if it wasn't.

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