Tuesday, February 03, 2009

The Great Cock Debate

~

Oscar's dad sent me an email (along with a few other like minded individuals) about the recent news story where Comcast accidentally cut 30 seconds of porn into their Super Bowl broadcast. Sadly, this only happened for Comcast customers of Tucson. Had this happened here I might have had my sixth "accidental" public boner in the last month. (A new state record!) The court says stay away from middle school gymnastics practices but I've found that if you push a mop bucket (and wear pants) nobody pays much attention.

Anyhow, Oscar's father posed this question:
How many sigmas was this?!?!?!?

fitzgerald td --> porn --> fitz replay

Well, as we all know too well, I have huge junk. In fact, it's been confirmed many times as "Huge!" or "Nowayareyouputtingthatthinginsideme!" So I know what I'm talking about.

I took time away from a major undertaking to answer this important question. Profiling and reviewing the major outlets for Handicapped Hispanic Kathoey Porn (Sword Fight Caliente!) is not easy work, but I felt this topic was important enough to take a small break. Here is my official response:

The debate has raged for decades among football, sporting, and cock fans. When is the ideal time to insert a flailing cock in your football broadcast?

The Gays have successfully pointed out that a flailing penis is the logical next step to a group of dudes wearing tight pants and grappling with each other. They believe that at any point in the program a flailing member will make sense.

The Ladies have been very vocal in support of what they call "Constant Cock" throughout the whole program. They argue strongly that football is virtually unwatchable unless a litany of cocks are paraded across the screen at a spacing of no more than every five minutes.

The Guys will tell you they do not want a penis interrupting their football game at any point of any game ever. This is a lie. Most guys will begrudgingly accept a flash of cock if it will get his girl's "juices flowing." (Medical Term)

Hell, I've been trying to "accidentally" stumble upon porn while with girlfriends for over 17 years now.

ME: OH MY GOD! What is that? (Points toward tv while sliding left arm around her lower back)
GF: Is that...a porn?
...
...
...
GF: Why are you naked?



~

1 comment:

Drizztdj said...

The "oh sorry, this must be the wrong channel" excuse never works...

... unless she's blitzed.

I have a confirmed story about that, will share at the Summit with a fine Belgian Ale in my hand at 2am.